What is a blog????

This feels rather like "open mic" at some coffee house. The blankness is a bit on the intimidating side, and since I'm not fond of blank pages or those pesky, awkward silences so common on first, and/or really bad dates, I just have to fill this up.

I have a column due in a couple of days and, true to form, I'm sure I'll get it in about five minutes before deadline. What is it about working under pressure that ignites creativity? The closer it gets to submission time, the more brilliant I become.

Today has been cold. Frigid. The kind of cold that hurts down to the marrow. It felt very reminiscent of winter days growing up in West Virginia and basically I hate it, but fortunately the Southeast Coast of North Carolina experiences only brief periods of this stuff. Right now it's an obscene 17 degrees.

Cabin fever. I've got a horrible case of it and I can only pray it's not terminal. Sometimes at night I look up at the sky and see the lights of an airplane floating by among the stars and it's very rare that I don't wonder where it's going and just what is going on inside. Is everyone groaning over an airplane dinner? If the flight is of any real duration, and most adventures require at least a 3 hour flight, what's the inflight movie? Are people sleeping? Anyone white knuckling it?

Most of the time, I just wish it was me on whatever airplane I happen to spot in any given night sky. I'm so hungry for an adventure.

Since we live so close to the ocean, I always wonder if the airplane I spot might possibly be Transatlantic and it's when I consider this possibility, my skin takes on a green hue because that could only mean Europe. I start thinking L'tour Eiffel, baguettes and really strong coffee, and about two hours set aside at the small round table of a Parisian cafe for some serious people watching. If only I could find some way to get paid to fly everywhere and hang out with the locals. Curses!

But alas, no European vacation is in the pipeline for me, at least not anytime soon. I have my sights set on August to attend the wedding of a young man who is the son of a very dear friend. I'm sure I'll be more than ready for an escape by then.

I went to a meeting tonight and heard new things and recycled things. I sat with two friends and I believe it was an interesting discussion, but I'm afraid my mind wandered now and again. I'm running a little low on attention span these days and I could use some focus fuel. Changes are looming in my future well, in fact, I suppose it could be said that change is looming in everyone's future because of the constant nature of change, but these past few days I have been keenly aware of some shifts in awareness, purpose and an overwhelming desire to prayerfully seek out the best possible direction. Some days I look at my intangible compass, and I do hope it's calibrated correctly. I hope it knows where true North is, even as I live in the South. To look too far into the future is to invite unnecessary fear and pointless anxiety. I don't need those things right now but change, by it's very nature, usually requires some stretching and it is the stretching that is both painful and essential. I think I'm stretching right now because I am feeling a little taut.

Tonight I had company and I'm afraid I was no real company at all. I was present and yet I wasn't. Unfortunately, as I feel preoccupied with all this stretching and growing business, the people closest to me are placed at an even greater distance. The perkiness disappears and a few raw nerves are exposed. Let's face it, one can only do perky for so long and sometimes I get the distinct feeling, real or imagined, that I am supposed to be terminally perky and sweet to the point of causing a diabetic coma in those around me. Most of the time I can pull it off, but then there are days when I just have to walk through a difficult patch and that is where I am right now. Perhaps I should offer apologies to those poor souls in my inner circle who have to interact with me during this time. If you're one of those people and you're reading this, it might get a little bit bumpy, but eventually it will level off. Thank you for your patience (if you are offering it) and if you're not well, you have my best wishes. :-)

I always loved the quote by Emerson about tomorrow being a new day and his advice on letting go of the absurdities and blunders that have no doubt crept in. Tomorrow is a new day and I do hope to begin it well and serenely and maybe find a way to make peace with some of my challenges.

Here's hoping...