I have been...

PRODUCTIVE!

I updated my resume.

I faxed and e-mailed my resume to the powerful power(s)-that-be in New York City.

I finally got most of my writing credits cataloged and listed.

Vanessa installed more blond highlights (thank you 'nessa!) which has greatly reduced my stress because I'm not thinking as much.

I've been SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!

I'm starting to treat my cellphone with a little more respect and I'm working on not reflexively wanting to toss it out of the nearest window when it rings. Now, to be fair, that's not to say that I have actually learned to enjoy phone chats, but I'm working my way toward a higher level of civility and appreciation. I'm still a work in progress...

I bought, "Stranger Than Fiction" and I have plans in the works to possibly watch it.

I have returned a great deal of e-mail.

I've had a meaningful chat with my friend Billie who reminded me that I will look back on this period as one of growth and new direction and, well, he's a very reasonable person and we've seen each other through some low places (like Palo Duro Canyon with a very car sick dog!) - fortunately we try very hard to make sure we don't dip at the same time so one or the other of us is there to pick things up. It works out better that way.

I've stored my sweaters away because, as far as I'm concerned, winter weather is finished in the south and I'm so ready for spring, plus this frees up a lot of drawer space.

I did lunch(es) and mind you, I'd been a bit out of practice but as it turns out, doing lunch is a lot like riding a bicycle...it really is second nature and you can pick it right back up without missing a beat.

Thanks to a friend in the UK, I think I now own the entire Greer Garson DVD collection. "Madam Curie" and "Pride & Prejudice" arrived today. I may have to invest in another bookshelf to contain my growing DVD collection.

I love jasmine tea - and I always consume at least one teapot full each day. It's not a cheap tea and I am, without apology, a tea connoisseur. Today, the Fed-Ex delivery guy, who has become a friend given how many times he's been sent to my home lately, delivered a box from Adaigo Teas. Inside, was the something more precious, to me at least, than frankincense, gold and/or myrrh.

I recognized it immediately. #12 Jasmine - an amazing 16 ounces of the precious pearls. Can you spell h-e-a-v-e-n? Well, I brewed some IMMEDIATELY and it was divine. Easily comparable to the white monkey jasmine my daughter absconded from the Tea Salon she worked at this past summer for 3 weeks.

It's the coolest thing! You poor hot water over the tightly wound pearls of jasmine buds and immediately these pea-size bubbles swell and unfurl and lose all of their tension. Delightful and possibly metaphorical in terms of tension release. It's almost as much fun to watch as it is delicious to drink. And the aroma! It is quite a feast for the senses. I'm already addicted to the stuff which is unfortunate because, wouldn't you just know that I love one of the most expensive teas in the world? Let's see - in nonalcoholic terms I guess rather than champagne taste on a beer budget, I have jasmine taste on an orange-pekoe budget...or something like that. It was also a much too extravagant gift from a friend. I can only say thank you. I'm sure it must be inspirational tea and I can only hope that my writing comes close to reflecting the quality of the tea.

I've talked my attorney into starting a blog - and his first entry is SMASHING!!!! I'm almost finished with it and I was given the honor of editing his fine writing and this man writes fine. It's an epic entry and I can tell it was written with some fierce passion. I told you it was cathartic Jimi! This man was born to blog. A blogging attorney. This could be big. If he gets published before I do, I may have to talk with him about filing a suit against himself. Of course, I'd insist that he represent me. I wonder if that would create a conflict of interest for him? Nah...he could pull it off.

I LOVE MY CAR!!!!! I am bonding with my car. I am at one with my car. It's quite a looker! I've had lots of compliments on it and, as I walked up to it the other day on 3rd Street, two men were standing there taking it all in. I was realy quite proud to walk over and claim ownership. I never really expected to love it as much as I do, but I am very fond of it and I'm proud of my little mobster looking ride. And it drives well! I guess that's important too, huh? I think it might be the next best thing to a Jag...at least in my orbit. Michel reports that these cars are quite common in France as well, so, there you go. My good taste if validated.

Though I still don't LOVE making my house payment - I received a new tax statement from the county of New Hanover and my house now appraises for 56% more than what I owe on it. Not too shabby and easily the best real estate investment I've ever made. I was stunned. Not to mention that the actual market price of the house tends to be a little more than the tax appraisal. Now, I'm in no rush to sell it, but it's good to know. I can't believe I've lived here six and one half years! Where did the time go? I think the house has aged quite well and in a month or so, my front yard will be a study in azaleas, just in time for the festival.

I've calmed down. This past week has been blessedly zen, without the new age shrill and psychobabble. I've taken several deep breaths, learned to exhale, and my detachment with evil elves (and their spawn) has been better for me all the way around. I feel the love, support and prayers of my friends and how grateful I am for all of those I include in my posse. Oh my gosh I know I've done nothing to deserve such a stellar pack of people, but let me just say that I am genuinely grateful. Each one truly is precious - even more so than very high-end jasmine tea. :-) - and I love high-end jasmine tea, I'm not going to lie about it!

As I've been reconstructing my dossier (aka resume aka CV), it's been an interesting exercise. First of all, I had no idea I had that many writing credits. The last year has offered some amazing opportunities and those publications have definitely shored things up considerably and lent a valuable credibility. I've said a silent prayer, closed my eyes very tightly and e-mailed and faxed it to four or five potential employers. If you're so inclined to pray, this might be a good time, so feel free to jump on that. My friend Billie said he's going to church on Sunday to say a special prayer and my buddy Glen, in NYC is going to be dripping wax from lighting so many candles. Surely with all that, somethings bound to break, right?

The other day, I realized I had no secrets. No really, I don't think I have ANY secrets! None. Nada. And you know what? I don't want any! I remember how many of those wretched things I used to juggle and wring my hands about - so much wasted energy, fear, and for what? When most of those secrets were revealed, an amazing thing happened: They completely lost their power. Literally, the things I kept hidden and tucked away instantly became non-entities and held no force at all. It's such a relief not to carry those things around. They become heavy and the only time I felt an escape was either to drink or sleep and I don't sleep all that much so drinking was just about the only device I had to forget them.

I noticed the other day that I had absolutely nothing to hide. But it's curious - the drinking became a secret and yet I drank to forget the very issues that I felt compelled to keep under wraps. As you can see, the whole of it all can become a vicious, insidious cycle and the more secrets I seemed to collect, the more I needed to drink. I thought about that the other day and I imagined myself just like a hamster on a wheel...making absolutely no progress whatsoever but feeling the need to run, even if it was in circles which, like way too much wine, can make one dizzy.

What I can't figure out, is where I got the energy to do all that? It sounds exhausting, both mentally and physically and it's almost miraculous how well one's body adapts to what is, quite honestly, sheer and utter madness, but it does. I don't like secrets and I shy away from people sharing them. They require an unspoken investment and there's always the danger of letting something slip or being fingered as the one who possibly let the cat out of the bag. I have three cats and as far as I know, they've never been in a bag - I don't think they would be nearly as fond of me as they are if I'd bagged one of them. I've become more forthright in stepping back from being a keeper of secrets. I don't think it's my forte.

Doesn't that all sound so "Stuart Smalley"? "You're only as sick as your secrets...", he used to advise on SNL. Well, he was right. I don't have any, so that must account for why I feel so much better.

Or...it could be all the tea I drink. Who knows?

Anyway, if you have a wildly exciting job you want to offer me, with full health, dental and vision benefits and at least two weeks paid vacation, you have my e-mail address. Travel is no problem, as long as it's covered by the employer and not me. :-)

In the meantime, I will continue to decompress, walk on the beach, keep the tea flowing and must about the "next big thing" on the horizon, whatever it is. The world is a dazzling place and you just never know, which is probably fortunate because, if you did - good or bad - it would probably conspire to drive you crazy. I'm sure it would me.

Tonight I have a date with Hugh Grant. Well, not exactly "with" Hugh Grant (who is suddenly available it would seem!). I'm going to see "Music & Lyrics" at Mayfaire. I'm sure Artisan Cafe will be involved along with their ginger peach tea and asian noodle salad. I may even go a little nuts and have a brownie.